Biography

Whenever a biography is requested, I just return to the "About Me" I wrote for my first profile on the Facebook when I was a sophomore in high school. Below is the same thing I've had (with a couple of amendments) since 2008, or the year I discovered my favorite band:

I was born on Valentine's Day and my last name is Valentino. I was born a cliché. Music is my primary lens. I play the guitar and piano but you'll never hear me jamming unsolicited during a party because my brother once told me I’d look like a goon if I did. I hail from a big family and family is big for me. Ask me anytime about my nieces and nephews. I'm the youngest of six and my older siblings have given me so much more than just hand-me-down T-shirts of sharks and skin-breaking wedgies. I take notes from fictional heroes such as Lloyd Dobler of Say Anything, the main dude from Office Space and Seth Cohen from The OC. I may not be anything like them but I continue to take notes. I detest the Oxford Comma. I'm an unconfident speller but you'll never know thanks to Spell Check. I like to use pop culture references to help explain myself and learned young to accept the fact that most people won't gotta catch 'em all. Together, let’s debate the zenith of the Star Wars saga: I strongly believe it’s the scene in Empire when Luke sees the vision of Vader as himself - signifying the veneer between good & evil and how action begins by choice. I wish I had a scar on my face (à la LOST's John Lock) so that I could tell an amazing story behind it. I tend to bolster my vocabulary with expensive words but occasionally I won't know their exact meaning or how to properly pronounce them. ("Clandestine" and "zenith" included.) If writing you a text message or bio, I'll most certainly deploy some independent clarifiers wrapped in parenthesis to add humor, tempo or, (if done well) grace. I keep my room and bathroom very clean. Maybe it’s OCD or maybe I just prefer a clean corner. I will write for the California Sunday Magazine and the last byline in my career will be in Rolling Stone Magazine. Three women during three separate concerts said I looked like Bon Iver. Once when I was a teenager in the parking lot of my hometown grocery, my father told me a riddle. He said I wouldn’t understand its meaning until the morning of my 21st birthday. I've only recently cracked it:

“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too - but you can give you word and keep it.”

  Thor's Well, Oregon, 2016

Thor's Well, Oregon, 2016